Be Your Valentine: 5 Ways To Love Yourself More!

As a life coach, I cannot tell you how many books I have read on the subject of improving your life that end with the answer: love yourself. Personally, I have found that answer to be frustrating because most of us know that loving ourselves more is a missing ingredient in our approach to a more fulfilling life and the true answer we seek is HOW to love yourself! Loving yourself can be a rather intangible concept that we could all use more of a step by step approach that we can incorporate into a daily practice. After working with clients over the years as well as working on MYSELF, I have found these five ingredients key to the recipe of cultivating greater self love and confidence. I hope they find you well this Valentine's Day and serve as a way to cultivate your own relationship with the best person you can be in love with: yourself.

5 Ways to Love Yourself More

1. Tell the Truth: This is number one for a reason. We live in a culture that values image more than honesty, and if we dig deep we might find we are projecting a concept of ourselves as opposed to authentically representing who we are in the moment. Furthermore, we are a culture based on results and there can be a great deal of fear surrounding the ability to be completely truthful. However, even a white lie is a lie. Although it may seem harmless, when you are not honest with others AND with yourself you cannot possibly love yourself completely, mainly because you are not even being the real you. The more you practice truth, the more you have respect for yourself and generate authentic feelings of your worth.
2. Practice Daily Acknowledgments: Perfectionism and self-judgment are rampant forces out there. How often do we notice the things we did not do right or did not get done as opposed to the countless small achievements that we implemented throughout the day? This is something we need to train ourselves to focus on, and practicing daily acknowledgments for ourselves is a major step. I highly recommend keeping a notebook where you start out each morning and end each night recording five things you are proud of yourself for. They can be simple such as "I acknowledge myself for getting up early today even though I wanted to sleep in" or "I acknowledge myself for going for a walk with the dog because it meant so much to him." You will discover over time that your focus begins to shift - at other moments in your day you even may catch yourself thinking "Hey, I am proud of myself for doing this..." Acknowledgments are an amazing tool for transforming your perspective of yourself and feed your heart enormously!
3. Practice Gratitude: The Roman philosopher Cicero called gratitude, "The mother of all virtues." Indeed, how often do we live our lives focused on the negative or on the items or experiences we do not have, as opposed to relishing in the moments presently in our lives? This can be part of a daily practice along with daily acknowledgments. Each morning write down five things you are grateful for in life and do the same before retiring for bed. Some may have a hard time in the beginning of this process, but with practice you will discover the list vastly exceeds ten reasons to find gratitude for the life you are living.
4. Learn to Set Boundaries: In other words, say NO when you need to! This perhaps is closely related to telling the truth but is a little trickier because many of us have been raised with values of helping others and being a "good person." The key is to make sure you are able to find the balance between a genuine kindness that is not at the expense of your personal truth. When I work with clients we practice "tuning in" to ourselves to find out if we should say no or yes to someone or something. A great way to start is by giving yourself time to process whether you should dive into something when asked by saying, "I can't answer that right now, but I will get back to you soon." This allows for some space from the natural impulse to immediately react. Learning to set boundaries is very important when trying to find your sense of self, because it enables you to create more time to cultivate your goals and sense of purpose, especially with a busy schedule.
5. Do Not Blame: Wow. This is a biggie! How often are we able to blame our problems because of another or the situations life has delivered to us? However, blame may feel good in the moment, but it is absolutely disempowering. Instead, as challenging as this may seem, start asking yourself "How am I 100% responsible for this situation, and what can I do to change it?" Taking full responsibility for our lives gives us the power to make changes to reach our goals and live more fully. Furthermore, blame carries with it a heavy burden that seeks to be released through forgiveness and personal growth. The more we take responsibility, the more we can give ourselves the strength to problem solve and move forward towards our goals and core values.

©laynewhitley, 2010. Article may be reprinted with permission.

Layne Whitley, Food & Weight Loss Coach, helps clients lose weight, eat healthier, and feel great… naturally! To get your FREE e-book on lasting weight loss and receive her weekly recipes & success mindset articles on reaching your wellness potential, visit www.laynewhitley.com or email her at coach@laynewhitley.com.